deathnitegrl's Vampire Journal

deathnitegrl's Journal

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4 entries this month

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Changes.
19:47 Mar 27 2014
Times Read: 457

Even though I'm risking a laugh from the skeptics I'll still post this thought.

I'm going to write about my personal changes.

I know that I'm going to be told that changes occur and that I'm just stating obvious things and coincidences, but my life changes tend to happen during the beginning of seasons, especially, the beginning of summer and Fall.

I don't know, maybe because since summer is my favorite season, the better things tend to happen during that time, while Fall marks the end of joy.

Even in spring and winter I tend to have changes, making winter usually, the season most ''quiet'' (kind of) but troubled at the same time. Maybe it's 'cause I decrease my social life at this time of the year, and increase it during summer?

Even my smelling sense, tends to increase. I smell it in the air, during spring I smell flowers even though am in a place where there is none, maybe it's because with the wind, the pollen is spread everywhere. In the middle of June I feel a strange smelling sense, like I can actually smell summer. Can't really describe it. It's like a smell of change, energy, the beginning of something. I smell something strange during the beginning of Fall and winter too, but it's stronger during spring and summer.

Maybe it's all in the mind, because I always associated summer with holidays, but smelling summer? I'm really serious with this.

In the past I used to practice some witchcraft too, then I decided to stop completely. Thing is, when spring starts, I feel the wish to practice again. It happens every spring.

I don't know. It might nothing be strange but completely normal, but still I want to ponder. In effect this spring my life will change a bit and possibly during summer too. I don't know, maybe I'm seeing the strange in nothing strange at all. But this is the only place I can share it, in the real life, I'd be laughed at if I said this.

COMMENTS

lordess
10:47 Mar 28 2014

It doesn't sound strange. It may be something new for some people... I think you are deeply attuned to your surroundings. Even animals and insects have these senses of any minuscule change in the environment, so why not you? :) Witchcraft, to me, should be associated with wisdom. So yes, I don't see how that's a bad thing.

Relationships.
19:31 Mar 27 2014
Times Read: 459

I will never understand this need of people, to feel desired. I've been single for 10 years and never liked flirting. I talk to men like I talk to women. I don't flirt simply because in front of me there's a man. If you're a friend, you're just a friend to me and nothing more. If I like you, if you're intelligent enough you'll know, even though I hide it very well, but if a man is intelligent he'd know I'm interested. Sadly not many men take hints.

I don't see my friends as possible significant others. There is more than good character and friendship for me, to make me fall for a man. I am not playing hard, it's just the way I am. If I have to date someone just because we're friends, that would make me a whore that would be richer than an escort in Amsterdam.

Lots of things make me angry because of people's false assumptions.

Another one is that, because I'm on the road to be 30, people see me as weird because am not married and chose not to have children. Well so what? I don't have a motherly instinct and don't need a man to be happy. I love my own company, and if I end up in a relationship, it's because I'd have found the qualities I'd be looking for a companion, not because I found a 'new' friend that likes me.

COMMENTS

lordess
10:53 Mar 28 2014

I have been single for 7 years. It's tough when I know I don't get into relationships because of my shortcomings. I'm not all that pretty, slim, sociable or well, just all that appealing. It's really complicated with me. I have a deep need to be in a relationship, but I've somehow gone through close to a decade without being in one. I just randomly pick someone I like from what I see and start day-dreaming. I delude myself, but I think it helps me keep sane. Everyone has needs, afterall. I know how it feels. Oh well. I wish things get better for you. Really, I do.

stuff
18:43 Mar 27 2014
Times Read: 464

When I'm not on here, I have many thoughts going through my head, and thinking: ''I could write this on vr'' but never do.

My life has been busy lately and it's going to be even 100 times more busier from April till the end of summer.

In the meantime, I spent some time browsing for places on you-tube. The place I liked the most was New York. I hope one day I'll be able to cross the continent and visit the big apple. NY has been always in my mind, since I was a child. Maybe it's because many movies and TV series are filmed there. No surprise I don't like the mediocre life in my country. Here the typical villagers' ignorance reigns all over the country.

The weather didn't change much over here, except that this week it didn't rain. Now we even have strong winds.

My health issues aren't solved either. I'm still getting sick all the time. Now I have severe hay fever, the sinus and a very painful sciatica.

And as usual I missed all the festivities like St.Patrick's Day, which I didn't know that in a particular town, it is celebrated highly, because St. Patrick is their patron (here almost every town and city have a patron saint or more than one).

COMMENTS

stuff
11:34 Mar 04 2014
Times Read: 487

I'm so angry right now.

I missed my xmas holidays and the same happened for Carnival. I got sick again and missed all the fun.

The only good thing about this is, that at least I took some rest after stressful weeks.

****

However this isn't what is really making angry. What is making me angry is, the amount of male trolls I see on VR and the way they express themselves towards the female administration.

Calling women with bad names and down grading them, makes you a man? You're complitley wrong. Any man who behaves like this is not a man but a sexist pig.

At the same time there are female trolls, who are well known of what they did, then ironically take it on the female administration. However the male trolls were always worse.

Also, on line and off line, you're going through tests all the time. People judge you the way you behave.

If people start drama with you and you stop it, they are wrong. If you continue with it, then you are wrong and the shit that happens it's your fault.

I was bullied and involved in drama. It stopped when I stopped.

If you are very hated over here, it means that you really did too much stuff for you to be hated. No one gets hated for nothing.

This isn't referred to one person but at this moment I'm really angry at someone on here. I used to think that people are ridicolous because they take him seriously, now I know why.